If I were to open that door, what awaits me? [ part 4 ]

by gaytaylor

eva ekeblad-eva the weaver

4.

We don’t always recognize the pivotal moments in our lives when they appear. My brother tells me his flip decision to teach English in Japan was one such moment. It changed the course of his life, gave him a career direction, a spouse, experiences he’ll never forget.

Sometimes we do identify those moments on which the past and future hinge even as they occur. For me, recognizing it was a closet I was living in, and deciding to push open the door and come out as a gay man— this was the before-and-after point of my life, and I was highly charged, hyper-aware of what was happening in the moment as I made the decision from which there would be no going back. I knew there would be hell to pay. (I couldn’t know how high a price would be exacted, but I did know it wouldn’t be easy.) And I knew no other way to go but onward, through that door.

I’ve not regretted it.

+ = +

for reflection:

Identify a pivotal moment in your life.

for action (or, if you’re Catholic, penance):

Find a door. Imagine you stand in your “before” life on this side of the door. Imagine your “after” life lies on the other side of the door. Stay aware of what feelings come up for you. Take a deep breath. Walk through the door. Take another deep breath.

About the photo: original by eva ekeblad, photo manipulation by yours truly

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